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photo credit: KellyK
We had a rule in my house. For the holidays, everyone brought something. But there was an unspoken rule as well, men brought something easy. All I had to make for Christmas Eve(we were people who celebrated Christmas Eve with one side of the family, Christmas with the other) until 1998 was green bean casserole. And I didn’t put a lot of thought into that either, as evidenced by the year we ate it topped with potato chips.Then I got a girlfriend, and things changed. We were expected to bring a real dish. Presumably one she cooked and I carried from the car. And one year I did my duty hauling in pan after pan of her roasted asparagus from my Honda civic.

photo credit: adactio

Then we broke up and next year my female relatives had a quandary. Without her contribution we would be shy of ‘real’ dishes. We’d have 7 jugs of green bean casserole, but that wasn’t good enough for them.

To solve their problem I volunteered to make potatoes. They snickered. I got a condescending lecture from my cousin on how hard potatoes were, the peeling and the boiling and making sure they take their potato vitamins. I think that’s what she said, I zoned out. From sheer spite I insisted on potatoes. Potatoes I would make with no helm from them because I was determined to prove them wrong.

Unfortunately my enthusiasm waned pretty quickly. In fact I did zero planning for the meal until the morning of Christmas Eve. I had also avoided any gift shopping up to that point, so I had a lot to do that day.

Luckily I found a bag of potatoes under the sink. I don’t know how
long they had been there, but I think they came with the house. I also found my moms old crock pot under there. In dusting that off I found a recipe book with a simple little 1-2-3 for au gratin potatoes.

photo credit: raysto

It seemed preordained. I sliced them, threw in some milk and cheese and turned the crock pot on. All through the disapproving looks of my mother I might add. Then I went out the door looking for something, anything to get my grandma. What do you get an old lady who smells like cat pee?

I came back from shopping and did my half assed attempt at wrapping all while the potatoes cooked all by their lonesome. They were done around 4, a fact I remembered around 6. But I checked them and nothing was burned or otherwise noticeable, so I decided it would be in everyone else’s best interest to be kept in the dark.

I pulled the crock out and put it on the table at 7:00. I endured the stinging glances of my aunts, the mocking threats of my brothers and the look of genuine fear on my mothers face. They were terrified(I don’t blame them, I’d never made anything fit for humans before) at what my lack of attention had grown in a crock pot.

But then they ate. And ate more.
And had thirds. The potatoes were great, in spite of the fact that I didn’t know how to cook. And that’s the real secret of crock-pottery. You can’t screw it up. I did everything in my power to ruin that meal and it still went perfect.

photo credit: iandavid

Until Mom told me I was cooking the turkey the next day.

photo credit: Mark Dye

Here’s a recipe for perfect cheesy potatoes I totally stole from Diary of a Stay At Home Mom. It is, in keeping with the spirit of the month, a crock pot recipe and it is, in keeping with me, awesome.

First it’s the easiest thing I ever made. Making masked potatoes(unless it’s the dandruff in a box) can be a pain. Boiling and peeling an mashing and oh, did I add salt yet? Should I add it now? On the other hand you just throw these in the pot and stir it once. That’s right once. And that pot is all you have to clean. No colanders or mashers or teapots full of milk and garlic. Just the crock pot.

Also it’s a great snack that microwaves perfect. I’ve been reheating these bad boys for a few days now and they’re great every time. Plus there’s enough fat in the cheese that eating them by themselves wont cause a blood sugar spike, as I’ve talked about before.

And this recipe is versatile. You can use any kind of potato, unlike most potato recipes which need a certain level of starch. So if you have a bag of Yukon golds laying around since December, throw them in.

Of course the most important thing is they taste great, and these do. And in terms of taste to work ratio they may be the best food ever. The only thing easier is instant potatoes, but I have to drown them in butter to make them somewhat palatable and I still can’t get the plasticy taste out of them.

So how do you make these spudly wonders? Here goes:

1. 2 cloves garlic
2. 1 tsp salt
3. 1/4 tsp black pepper
4. 2 lbs of sliced potatoes
5. 8 oz. cream cheese(1 package)
6. 1/2 onion

Smash the garlic and slice it thin(or run it through a garlic press) and dice the onion up fine. You might try this technique. Then cut your cream cheese into 1 inch cubs and slice your potatoes(if you don’t have one already you’re gonna need this, trust me).

In a small bowl combine scallions and garlic. In another one combine salt and pepper.

In greased crock, layer about a quarter of the potatoes on the bottom.

Then add a quarter of the salt and pepper mix and top with a third of the cream cheese, then a third of onion/garlic mix. (Get it? We’re doing layers.)

Make a second layer with a quarter of the potatoes and repeat with the salt, cheese and garlic. Repeat with a third layer of potatoes, and the remainder of everything else. Then make a final layer of potatoes.

Cover your crock and cook on high for 3 hrs. Then give it a stir(just to break up the potatoes and move some cheese around) and cook for another hour on high. Stir one last time and they’re good.

And don’t feel hemmed in to this recipe, it’s definitely one you can play around with. I’ve added a half cup of milk before and that worked out well, making the potatoes a little less dense. I’ve also used some different cheese combinations, but you’ll want to keep at least half cream cheese. It’s got the perfect texture for the perfect cheesy potatoes.