DIY: Mayo
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008I’m starting a new series here at Fat Bastard Eats, DIY. It’s essentially how to make things yourself that you would normally buy from a store or from a hairy, foreign street vendor. The normal reason people outsource work is to save money, but in the case of food it’s almost always cheaper to DIY. The reason is they don’t know any fucking better. Here at Fat Bastard Eats we aim to fix that, starting with Mayo.
This much maligned sauce has suffered from bad perception for far too long. It’s not plain or tasteless, it’s tangy and delicious. And easy to make if you have a few simple ingredients that you combine exactly right.
Start with a bowl. Into that dump a half teaspoon salt, a half teaspoon dry mustard, 2 pinches of sugar and one egg yolk(separate it with your hand you Nancy).
Beat with a hand mixer until it’s nice and yellow. Note that you can do this whole recipe with a whisk instead of a hand mixer, but I’m a chronic masturbator and even I can’t imagine moving my wrist that long.
Put 2 teaspoons of lemon(or lime) juice along with 1 tablespoon of white wine vinegar into a cup. Don’t eyeball this, it has to be exact. Then dump half of that in with the egg and beat until smooth.
Now we’re going to start drizzling in a cup of oil(safflower, corn or chili) and beating that into the egg. Don’t add it too fast or the oil won’t mix in and you’ll ‘break’ it. Then you have to start over. I use a regular condiment dispenser just like you would keep mustard in. Whatever you do just remember to go slow.
After you’ve beat in about half the oil in add the rest of the vinegar/juice. If you had added it at the beginning it would be way more work just to get started. Finish drizzling in the rest of the oil(while still beating vigorously). Then store it in an airtight container.
photo credit: erikadotnet
Now leave this on the counter for about 3 hours. For some reason known only to the dark lord of condiments the acid from the vinegar and juice will kill bacteria, but only when it’s at room temperature. After that throw it in the fridge and you have the best tasting mayo you’ve ever eaten. It should last about 2 weeks stored properly.
And if you want some kick, don’t forget you can use chili oil. That’ll teach those vultures who steal your sandwich out of the fridge at work.
