Posts Tagged ‘hamburger’

Tools For Bad Ass Burgers: Inside Edition

Thursday, June 26th, 2008

True burgers are cooked outdoors, this we all know. But sometimes circumstance conspire against us(and by circumstances I mean hail). So I’d like to talk about some of the tools for making bad ass burgers inside,should the need arise:

First you want a cast iron grill pan. Cast iron because holds heat, some crappy aluminum pan will drop 20 degrees as soon as you throw your burgers in. This will turn your nice black crust into a gray coating, not cool.

And you want a grill pan because those spaces give it a place for smoke to form and rise up, flavoring the . You can get away with a regular cast iron pan, but this will be the best “grill simulation” you can buy.

Whatever you do never use a nonstick pan. They just can’t build a crust, you’re better off broiling them.

You’ll also want a nice metal bowl for reasons I’ve mentioned before. This one is a great multitasker, I make my popcorn in it as well.

You’ll want a good, sturdy flipper. It should be made of high grade stainless steel and should have a nice thick handle. And if you don’t take my advice on the grill pan(you fool) you’ll need one with an angle to it to get around the sides of the pan.

If you don’t listen tom me about the grill pan and you don’t listen to me about the bowl, then you’re going to need to get one of these babies. It’s a splatter guard, and it’s the best $15 you ever spent. Without some kind of cover you’ll spend more time cleaning the stove then cooking. And yes, it’s great for more than just burgers.

Bad Ass Chili Cheese Burgers

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

OK here’s a hella easy recipe for chili cheese burgers, but I have to warn you. It takes a little preparation. You must make the chili sauce ahead of time, don’t start working on the sauce right after you start the grill. The good thing is the sauce is fine in the fridge for a day or two so you can get it done before everyone comes over for burgers.

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup of chili sauce, I like Cholula myself
  • 1/2 an onion, diced. You can copy this guy’s style if you’re in a hurry
  • 1 clove of garlic, diced
  • 1 TBS of brown sugar
  • 1 TBS canola oil
  • 1 TBS fresh squeezed lime juice
  • 2 TSP Worcestershire sauce
  • 1/4 TSP Hungarian paprika
  • 1/8 TSP salt
  • 1/8 TSP cayenne pepper(or chili flakes if you’ve got them)

In a saucepan on med-low cook the onion, garlic and salt in the oil until the onion softens up and becomes transparent. Add the rest of the ingredients, turn the heat up to medium and cook until the sauce just starts to bubble. If you’re going to store this for later then let the sauce cool to room temp before refrigerating. If you’re going to use it right away then turn burner all the way to low just to keep the sauce warm(if you refrigerate it you’ll have to heat the sauce up again before you use it).

Cook your burgers the way you normally would. When you first flip them put a spoonful of sauce on each before you put on a slice of cheese(cheddar works best). Don’t go overboard, this is strong stuff. Then cook like normal for another 4 minutes with the grill lid closed. Plate and serve.

As a word of warning, these are hot. Fucking nuclear. Not for the faint of heart or bowl. But other than that good eating.


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Rules for Bad Ass Burgers

Monday, June 23rd, 2008

Bad Ass Burger

There’s a lot of misinformation and out and out lies floating around out there about burgers. Thin patties cook faster(they just overcook faster), lean is healthier(nothing healthy about a crumbly ) and that mixing ketchup into the patty does anything but suck.

So in order to clear up the crap I hereby present to you the rules for making a bad ass :

  1. Don’t fuck with it. This is the hardest one for people to follow. If you people feel like kneading something make bread. Over mixing ground beef just gives you tough burgers. Mix it very little and make the patties very loose.
  2. I said don’t fuck with it. Put the patties on the grill and don’t touch. Don’t keep flipping them, don’t move them from a hot spot to a cool spot and for the love of God don’t press down on them. If I ever catch you pressing down on a while it cooks I will kill you with your own spatula.Put the patties on the grill, close the grill, wait 4 minutes(on high) and flip them once. Put cheese on at this point and then close the grill for another 4 minutes. That’s it!If you’re cooking inside you can put a metal bowl over the top of the pan.
  3. The purists have a point. I don’t agree with the whole “A should be pure beef only” mentality, but the zealots are right about some things. With recipes there is a tendency to mix in more and more crap until you’re basically grilling meatloaf, and that’s not cool. So keep the mixins to a minimum, make sure they are cooked before hand and are at least room temperature so the cooks evenly. And never, ever put pure cheese in the middle. You’ll end up with super hot oil and cheese curd floating around in the middle of your . Not cool.
  4. Do not fear the fat. I’m amazed and how hard it is for people to learn this lesson. If you’re a fat phobe then just stay away from burgers. Ideally your should be 80/20, that’s 80 percent leand and 20 percent fat. Any less and the won’t hold together. If all you have is 85/15 then you can, just this once, mix in a tablespoon of vegetable oil for every pound of beef. But you have to admit to everyone who eats at your house that you’re a douche.
  5. Season well but don’t spice. Or at least not unless you intend to. The thing about salt and pepper is that in the right amounts they bring out flavors but you don’t taste theirs. That’s . I go with a half teaspoon each per pound of beef, mixed in to the patties.
  6. You can’t have bad ass burgers without bad ass patties. That means you under mix, season and gently form your 6 ounce patties about a half hour before cooking so they can reach room temperature. They should be a little round so you can lightly flatten them(not smash) just before cooking. And don’t forget to make an indent with your thumb as you put them on the grill, this will stop that “ shaped like a baseball” problem that sometimes creeps up on you.
  7. Rolls matter. A good on wonderbread is like a Ferrari rolling on doughnuts. Get fresh baked rolls(I prefer potato) and toast them lightly before eating. I also recommend a thin layer of mayonnaise on each side of the roll as this will prevent soakage and, when it mixes with the juices, it creates nature’s perfect sauce. Just stay light on the mayo, you shouldn’t be able to taste it on it’s own.

So there you have it, the 7 rules to a bad ass . Follow them and a world of perfect summer grilling is yours. Break them and you’ll be cursed to an eternity of wishing you had gone to McDonalds(a fate worse than death).



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Hamburger: The Apex of Meat and Bun

Wednesday, June 18th, 2008

Ah, the noble . Where does it’s greatness come from? From the pride of reusing from the butcher shop floor? From the bravery of a food that cannot be less than 15% fat? No, I think the greatness that is comes from it’s overwhelming simplicity. Nothing fancy, nothing overwhelming. Just some on a bun, maybe a few vegetables across the top for the sake of irony.

Beautiful.

But for all it’s simple glory the is not without depth. Which is why I’m doing this series on hamburgers. We’ll look at some , talk about why you want to make your own(Hint: In America it’s fucking illegal to sell you a medium rare ) and I just may give you a peek at my world famous veggie recipe.

Sea Shell BurgerCreative Commons License photo credit: justgrimes
But first how about a little of this ground wonder. There are many legends around the origin of the . Some say that Odin once smacked Thor so hard that he bled hamburgers for days. Odin quite liked them, and developed the habit of beating Thor mercilessly whenever he was hungry. Others say the was a gift to the third Japanese emperor from a royal house trying to curry his favor. He immediately jailed the lot of them and had their holdings burned to the ground on the charge of witchcraft.

I believe another tale. The Mongols spend years riding roughshod over Asia and lived on horseback. They were known to keep tough cuts of under their saddles to pulverized it until it was edible. When the Mongols took their domination party to Russia they brought this with them, and the Russians made Steak Tar Tar out of it. Sailors brought it back to the port town of Hamburg Germany where diced (now using knives instead of a saddle, horse skin and butt force) was cooked and called a Hamburg Steak.

Naturally the German immigrants brought their food with them to America. But there things get fuzzy again.

The Menches Brothers claim their great grandfather invented the as we know it, ground beef patty on a bun. They were running a booth at a fair in Hamburg, New York around 1885 and ran out of (a critical error in booth management). In a panic they fried the ground beef they had with every spice available(including coffee) just to have something to sell and when a customer asked what it was they called it a on the fly.

However Louis Lassen claimed that in 1900 a young man ran into his luncheonette and wanted something he could eat on the go and quick. Louis pulled some Hamburg style steak out of the broiler and wrapped it in bread. There is one reason this version may be the true origin of the . Who would make up such a boring story?

The third contender is “ Charlie” Nagreen who in 1870 couldn’t seem sell his meatballs at a fair in Seymor, Wisconson(A common problem). So he figured if people could still walk around the fair with the food, they’d be more interested. He mashed one of the balls between two buns and Charlie went on to make a fourtune(in terms of 1870 Seymor, Wisconsin). Personally, I tend to believe this story. I mean, he has right in his name, they don’t just give that do you. You have to earn it.

Now that we know the anthropological origins of the (always vital for cooking) we can get down to how you can build a better one. Next time.




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Tip: Make Lean Meat Palatable

Monday, May 19th, 2008

Creative Commons License photo credit: icadrews

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We all know that unless you took my advice and found yourself a butcher, real is hard to come by. Real, meaty, fatty, found in the corner and ground up before anyone notices scraps are the only true out there. Now we have 80/20. 90/10. 99 percent lean beef. Yuch.

And not only does super lean taste bad, it’s unusable for what we normally like to do with our . That is, make hamburgers. You see, hamburgers need about 25% fat just to hold them together, anything less and it’s going to crumble apart. That’s anoying if you’re frying them, it’s a ruined dinner if you’re grilling them(and really, why wouldn’t you be grilling them?)

So what are you to do if you’re old lady brought home a tube of 90/10 for your Saturday night neighborhood grill? First, dump her. Second, pork . Pork has plenty of fat for everybody. Just mix in about a tablespoon of pork for every and you should be good to go. And quite frankly, the results are beyond awesome. You’ll never make burgers without again.

You’re welcome.