For Those Of You Keeping Score At Home: You Cannot Microwave Gravy
Monday, June 16th, 2008
photo credit: thebittenword.com
I made a batch chicken fried steak the other day and like most chicken fried steaks, it was a bit bland. Luckily chicken fried steak makes a great gravy that you can use to cover it’s own shortcomings. Kind of like an ugly chick who brings her own beer(think about it).
So I made this gravy and it was fine until I got this strange sensation. I called my doctor who explained to me that I was full. I’d never experienced such a thing but apparently 3 fried steaks is about the human limit. So I packed up the rest with the gravy and threw it in the fridge. Of course I got it out for breakfast the next morning and since I was feeling abysmally lazy I threw the whole kit in the microwave.
About 2 minutes later I had warm steaks and cold gravy :/ About 2 minutes after that I had chicken fried hockey pucks and cold gravy 
About 2 minutes after that I had cereal.
photo credit: ManHole.ca
It makes sense when I think about it, I just hadn’t at the time. I’m not a clear thinker before my first feeding. It comes down to what gravy is made up of:
- fat
- burned flesh
- some boiled off liquid
- some thickening agent
Now think about how a microwave works. It generates microwaves which bounce off water and generate friction which generates heat. That’s why you can put plastic in the microwave, no water == no heat.
Now you would think that the liquid in gravy would allow you to heat it in the microwave, but the problem is there’s very little water in there. I got about half a cup of gravy and I know I put 2 cups of chicken broth in there. So the fat, liquid and thickening agent(cornstarch) all added up to a half cup. Not much room for water in there, and the water that was there was tied up in the cornstarch.
Maybe if I had put the gravy in there by itself and let it go for a while it would have worked. Or maybe mixing a little water in with it could have heated it up (although it definitely would have been gross). But I think next time I’ll just wrap the kit in tinfoil and heat it in the toaster oven. It’ll take 10 more minutes but I won’t end up eating cereal.
