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Fuck off, there’s no such thing as a veggie burger. If you want to be a vegetarian fine, but lets not pretend you’re eating meat. Quorn or soy or whatever else they try and make a veggie burger out of is not meat. Will never be meat. I don’t know if the soul is what makes it taste better, but I know that fake meat tastes like fake meat.

You’d be better off miming eating a hamburger than eating some crap veggie burger.

I’m talking about the cheese puff. Over at Anne’s Food she’s got a great post on a simple cheese puff recipe. Make that, a jalapeno cheese puff recipe.

Tell me those don’t cry out for a beer? And don’t worry about the talk about piping bags. They’re nice, but you can just use a disher in a pinch. The important thing is they’re all the same size.

This kind of crap pisses me off. Over at the US Food Policy Blog they’re debating The Thrifty Food Plan Challenge.

What set me off is this:

But here is the hard policy question — hard even to ask without seeming heartless. If the Thrifty Food Plan is adequate for many, but not all, then should the maximum food stamp budget be raised?

People need to understand something. Welfare, unemployment, food stamps and the like are not supposed to make your life comfortable. They’re supposed to stop you from dieing in the gutter with a staph infection. If this program does that then there’s no need to increase it.

And in fact you shouldn’t. The easier you make it for someone to get by with your program the longer they’re going to stay on it.  These plans should just barely cover you.

And the general consensus seems to be that if you know how to cook it’s easy to get by on the program, so they lament that poor people can’t cook.  Well if you want them to learn the last thing you should do is increase the money they get, that just makes them more likely to never learn.

People need to stop codling mother fuckers. I think we should just start air dropping bags of rice into shitty neighborhoods like we did in Somalia. They’ll figure out how to cook with it real quick.

OK here’s a hella easy recipe for chili cheese burgers, but I have to warn you. It takes a little preparation. You must make the chili sauce ahead of time, don’t start working on the sauce right after you start the grill. The good thing is the sauce is fine in the fridge for a day or two so you can get it done before everyone comes over for burgers.

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup of chili sauce, I like Cholula myself
• 1/2 an onion, diced. You can copy this guy’s style if you’re in a hurry
• 1 clove of garlic, diced
• 1 TBS of brown sugar
• 1 TBS canola oil
• 1 TBS fresh squeezed lime juice
• 2 TSP Worcestershire sauce
• 1/4 TSP Hungarian paprika
• 1/8 TSP salt
• 1/8 TSP cayenne pepper(or chili flakes if you’ve got them)

In a saucepan on med-low cook the onion, garlic and salt in the oil until the onion softens up and becomes transparent. Add the rest of the ingredients, turn the heat up to medium and cook until the sauce just starts to bubble. If you’re going to store this for later then let the sauce cool to room temp before refrigerating. If you’re going to use it right away then turn burner all the way to low just to keep the sauce warm(if you refrigerate it you’ll have to heat the sauce up again before you use it).

Cook your burgers the way you normally would. When you first flip them put a spoonful of sauce on each burger before you put on a slice of cheese(cheddar works best). Don’t go overboard, this is strong stuff. Then cook like normal for another 4 minutes with the grill lid closed. Plate and serve.

As a word of warning, these are hot. Fucking nuclear. Not for the faint of heart or bowl. But other than that good eating.

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OK, so their douches. Fine. World’s full of douches. But then they say they’re going to show you how to make your own McMuffin with the only thing worse than McDonalds English muffin, they use that cow patty Thomases. You’re better off using toast and imagining it’s an English muffin.

And then the cunts cut the muffin with a knife because “They aren’t cut all the way.” What kind of fucking tool doesn’t know that you’re supposed to fork split an English muffin? Especially one with a cooking show?

I swear to God if Darwin doesn’t get these guys in the next month or so I just may have to hunt them down myself.