Archive for April, 2008

Why You Never Shop With A Woman(for a crock-pot)

Sunday, April 27th, 2008

Shauna WallerCreative Commons License photo credit: markoplex

I’d intended to buy a crock-pot all along, talking to her was just a bonus. She was a cute little red head with just enough chub on her to know that in her 30s her body was going to go to hell. But today she looked good. Damn good.

So when she walked past I gave my best scrunchy, confused face. She asked if I was lost and I started telling her I need a crock-pot and didn’t know what I was looking at. She launched into a compassionate explanation(women love the ‘men as children’ myth) of all the features each one had and which I wanted.

“That one only has 5 quarts, you want at least 6. And a timer, you need a timer. What if you go away for a weekend and want pot roast when you come home?”

D-Con 56
Creative Commons License photo credit: disavianHer cleavage distracted me from the fact that I was planning to leave meat on the counter for 2 days and then eat it, and I agreed with everything she said. I bought the most expensive, name brand model they had and carried it over to the checkout with her(all the while trying to act like it felt really light to me because I work out so much).

I knew my mistake as soon as they rang it up. It’s a bit intimidating to pay over $100 for something you’ve used once and know nothing about. And now I have to eat from this thing 6 quarts at a time. But I didn’t say anything right then, because she was still there.

So I walked her to her car. We talked about all the things I could make in my new crock-pot. I asked if she could come over and show me some because they sounded awfully complicated. She said no, her boyfriend probably wouldn’t like that. Son of a Bitch.

Sad Face

So as soon as she got in her car I hoofed that crock-pot back in and returned it. I didn’t even wait for her to drive away at that point. By the way, they look at you a little funny when you return something you bought 5 minutes ago and then buy the less expensive model. I never knew that Bed Bath and Beyond employees were so judgmental.

So I got this model:

It’s served me really well. Firstly it’s 4 quarts, which means you can make about 3 quarts of food at a time. That’s a lot for a single guy. With the 6 quart one you have to make at least 3 quarts and I don’t like that kind of commitment. It’s not very feature rich, has 3 heat settings. But they’ve done fine by me so far.

And it’s cheap. While I don’t think you should cheap out when you know you want something, if you’re unsure and trying something new then I say always spend little enough you won’t regret it. That goes for crock-pots and hookers.

It is, in short, the perfect starter crock-pot for a single guy. Is it what I’d get now? No. But I’ll talk about that later.

Butter Vs. Margarine or Taste Vs. Plastic Crap

Friday, April 25th, 2008

Here’s a little video I threw up on youtube comparing butter and margarine. By the way anyone still using margarine not under doctors orders should just give up right now. On life.

You can watch it directly on youtube at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrI4tChHIe8

Pinkberry: Definitely Not a Desert and Aparently Not Natural

Thursday, April 24th, 2008

Creative Commons License photo credit: .JonB

PinkberryI was cruising through Cooking With Amy and I came across her assessment of the reemergence of healthy, frozen yogurt. She’s pretty much spot on.

I’ve been to Pinkberry here in LA and while it’s OK, I can tell you right now it’s not a desert. Not in the western sense. We think of a desert as something sweet you eat at the end of a meal. Kind of a reward for choking down all that meat. Go Me. , however, is very much an Asian version of a desert. That is, something kind of bitter that cleanses your pallet of the over spiced food you just consumed so you don’t taste pickled cabbage and dried fish for the rest of the night.

grace #1
Creative Commons License photo credit: psychofish

This is confusing to anyone alive in America during the 80s. We consumed a frozen yogurt so treacly it gave you diabetes if you looked at it. That’s because American execs figured out that we love the label ‘Fat Free’ but not the taste that comes with it. So in order to make it feel like desert to Americans they compensated with a half gallon of corn syrup.

Remember all those middle aged women saying “I can’t believe it’s actually good for me” while scarfing down TCBY and watching the scale spin ever upward. That’s why.

So the new frozen yogurt is really the old frozen yogurt before we Americanized it. That’s why you can only get it in places that are trendy(SF) or full of Asians(LA). Middle America just isn’t all that interested in paying $3 to stop tasting dinner.

And then I come to find out via BoingBoing that this new ‘ frozen yogurt’ isn’t all that at all.

The ingredients list for Original has 23 items. Skim milk and nonfat yogurt are listed first, then three kinds of sugar: sucrose, fructose and dextrose. Fructose and maltodextrin, another ingredient, are both laboratory-produced ingredients extracted from corn syrup.

So it’s overpriced, not a desert and not what most people(those without lab coats) would consider . When can I get my franchise?

Cornbread Up Your Chili…wait…scratch that. Reverse it.

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

Chili is, as I stated yesterday, very Zen. But even Zen can use a hand every now and then too. And is there ever a more helping hand than ?(wait what?) This is the Capote that I heard about from Serious Eats and that was originally printed in The Cornbread Gospels. It’s awesome(almost a giant pancake) and it allows you to reuse those bacon drippings from the Chili(besides just pouring them in a tumbler and drinking them):

Ingredients
  • 1 tablespoon butter or bacon drippings
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 cups buttermilk
  • 1 teaspoon sugar
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 2 cups stone-ground white cornmeal
Procedure
  1. Preheat oven to 450°F. Place the butter or drippings in a 10-inch cast iron skillet; place it in the oven.
  2. Combine the eggs and buttermilk in a small bowl or measuring cup, whisking together well with a fork.
  3. In a medium bowl, combine the sugar, salt, baking soda, and cornmeal; stir well to combine.
  4. Stir the egg mixture into the dry ingredients, beating just until the dry ingredients are moistened and no more.
  5. Pull the skillet from the oven. It should be hot, with the fat sizzling. Swirl the pan to coat. Quickly transfer batter to skillet; return skillet to oven.
  6. Bake until browned and pulling away from skillet, 20 to 25 minutes. Serve hot, in wedges.

People Still Learning To Cook Matter

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008

Evil Monkey!Creative Commons License photo credit: sanofi2498

I got a little menstrual about this post from Gluten Free Girl(which is the best place to go for recipes if you or someone in your family is allergic to gluten by the way). She kind of rambled her way into a discovered , but what caught my attention was this:

Honestly, I’d say now that you should take every before May 2006 with a big grain of salt. I didn’t really know what I was doing then, not like I do now.

So, are you saying that anyone who read your blog when it started was wasting their time? They only thought they got useful out of it, but really they were suckers? But now, now you’ve got it all figured out. Now you’re a genius. Now we should all listen to you, and in two years you won’t be telling us how we should disregard everything before 2009.

Grano de sal (micro-composición)

Creative Commons License photo credit: dsevilla

Bullshit. For 2 reasons: First different people are at different levels and need at those levels. What got me into cooking was Good Eats(still the greatest cooking show ever) because it was at my level. For some people they might consider that show a waste of time. Those people, as a rule, suck. Others might be harried mom’s who need to learn how to make a whole meal in 30 minutes, Rachel Ray style. Others might have been cooking for years and want some expert in a particular type of cooking to hone their skills(I’m looking at you, Mario Batali). But if every show was Mario and Emeril, how many people would never even give cooking a chance? Just like if every blog was Smitten Kitchen and Serious Eats how many people wouldn’t even bother coming online to find something for dinner? Everyone needs at their current level.
Second, it’s not just the , it’s the guy giving it to you. Love that Joker!
The personality matters a lot. Going back to the Food Network, why do you think Rachel Ray is the number one show? Because that betty loves cooking and it shows. She seems like she’d be a lot of fun to cook with, eat with, plus I bet she’s a little dirty in the sack. Not freaky, just the right amount of kink. That’s what really pisses people like Anthony Bourdain off. It’s not that she isn’t’ good at her job, it’s that she is. And it’s the same with blogging. If all people wanted were recipes they’d search about.com. They want personality. I’ve never had to make a Passover meal before, but Amy Sherman makes me wish I had(grizzly connotations of dead first born children aside).

Creative Commons License photo credit: Vortech

Like I said, I think I’m a little overly sensitive about this. Probably because I’m not that good a cook. Which is ironic, because I eat well. But I shy away from anything too fancy. My attitude is why make hard stuff when there’s so much great food that’s easy as hell when you know a few tricks. Last night I didn’t have pan-fried panini with an apricot glaze. I had a baked potato, roast asparagus and a New York strip, rare. And it was awesome. Seriously. If that steak had VD I still would have ate it and had no regrets.

My point is there’s something for everyone out there on the internet. I always hope that you find value in what I give you, both educational and entertainment wise. Enough so that you subscribe. But if you don’t, if you don’t find me fun or smart or inspirational then somewhere out there you can find the guy talking at your level. Also fuck you.

And I think it’s a bit disingenuous and insulting to say that what you said before was worthless because now you’ve learned more. There are still those who haven’t learned, or don’t have the inclination to learn, what you know. If they can find value in what you wrote before who are you to call them morons?